The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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