You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
