i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
