I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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