I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
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