Who wears a wallet chain?!
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
