Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
