i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
