omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
babies were throwing up all over the place
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
