He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
