i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
