so that wasnt chicken after all
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
