I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
