another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
