I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
