I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! Iām the best!
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