Umm I'm too high to move.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
