There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
