Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
