I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize