just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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