I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
