I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
