I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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