This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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