He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
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We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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