I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
