i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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