I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
