Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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