my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
