the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
