Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
