i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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