My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
