Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
