Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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