I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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