I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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