My brain says no but my pants say off.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
