Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
