I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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