Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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