Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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