so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
