I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
