I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
