no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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