HIV tests are more positive than that guy
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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