I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
He kissed a someone with a penis
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
