The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
