I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
