And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
