I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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