You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I wish life had little blips of pornography
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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