I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
My penis needs a shock collar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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