I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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