Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
