My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
