Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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