the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
My Higher Power is John Stamos
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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