I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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