Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
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