the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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