if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
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My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
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I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
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